It’s been a while since I tried to draw myself (one year… Shut up that’s a long time for me) and, like how I have to draw characters before I can confidently write them, I think I periodically need to draw myself before I can confidently BE myself. I know it’s kind of vain, and that’s part of why I stopped for a while… but that’s negatively affected my grasp on who I am.

It doesn’t help that, since last year, my outward appearance has changed a lot, especially my hair and the way I try to present myself. Before when I drew myself I’d be focused on making myself cute, which I would battle with the grotesqueness on my face I’d see in photographs. Now I was focused more on making something that felt like me, that matched how I currently want people to see me, and kind of battle that with how I actually look (and therefore how people probably see me). It was pretty hard and I drew a lot more than this, but the above result was the best result tonight.

It was pretty weird. After abstaining for so long, it felt more like I was drawing a completely new character from scratch. I used to be able to draw myself really easily, but my old strategies are all gone. I guess that can be viewed as a good thing.

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