Hold on. I definitely know this one.
I'm nearly certain that it's blue.
As I peered out the misty window of my agency office into the grey deluge curtaining the dirty streets outside, I turned the idea over in my mind a few more times.
For many different reasons, I missed the color blue terrifically-- all colors, at that. The world was too grey these days and only getting greyer, whether it be the grey of cloudy skies or the grey of industrial endeavor, and consequently that of industrial smog. If not for the rich velvet red worn by some of my clientele, I would fear all color to have gone out of the world altogether.
The color blue in particular, I admit.
In my moments of contemplation, the mug of coffee on my desk had slowly cooled into a more stagnant foulness, but any drink is better than none anyhow. I swung it back to keep my eyes open.
There came a knock upon the door.
It’s been a while since I tried to draw myself (one year… Shut up that’s a long time for me) and, like how I have to draw characters before I can confidently write them, I think I periodically need to draw myself before I can confidently BE myself. I know it’s kind of vain, and that’s part of why I stopped for a while… but that’s negatively affected my grasp on who I am.
It doesn’t help that, since last year, my outward appearance has changed a lot, especially my hair and the way I try to present myself. Before when I drew myself I’d be focused on making myself cute, which I would battle with the grotesqueness on my face I’d see in photographs. Now I was focused more on making something that felt like me, that matched how I currently want people to see me, and kind of battle that with how I actually look (and therefore how people probably see me). It was pretty hard and I drew a lot more than this, but the above result was the best result tonight.
It was pretty weird. After abstaining for so long, it felt more like I was drawing a completely new character from scratch. I used to be able to draw myself really easily, but my old strategies are all gone. I guess that can be viewed as a good thing.